The Christmas un-gift list: the underwear we don’t want this year!

There are so many lovely, gorgeous things in lingerie – and so many more than we could ever own – that we mostly focus on the things we love. But there are also plenty of downright weird innovations in the world of underwear, so we thought it would be fun to switch our focus this once to some of those odd inventions. And the result is our un-gift list. Please, whatever you do, don’t buy us anything listed here for Christmas!

The Tweeting Bra

The Tweeting Bra

Now, as you know, we are all for breast awareness and checking your boobs at Fashion Bust, and we’re 100% behind CoppaFeel!’s #brajhijack campaign to put boob check labels in bras, but the bra that tweets every time it is unclasped to remind women to check their boobs? Nah, don’t buy us that. We’re not getting into the debate about whether or not this is a helpful invention, we just don’t like the idea of the world being notified each time our bra comes undone!

Technically, of course, you can’t buy it for us, as it’s a one-off product developed by Nestle Fitness as part of October’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month and was worn for two weeks by Greek TV personality Maria Bakodimus, tweeting a breast check message to followers every time she undid it. We’re not sure if she’s still wearing it, but the bra is still tweeting twice a day like clockwork and you can follow it at @TweetingBra.

Sample tweet: ‘Hey girl, I checked your to-do list and I think you missed something REALLY important: your breast self-exam!’

The bra that stops you over-eating

The underwear we don't want for Christmas

Image: Shutterstock

Even less welcome than a bra that announces the removal of your underwear would be one that tells you off for eating too much. Microsoft’s new prototype bra apparently uses sensors to detect the signs of imminent comfort eating – stress, increased heart rate and skin temperature changes – and then sends an alert to your phone just in time to ruin that lovely chocolate bar you were about to eat. Please, please, don’t buy us this bra for Christmas! The endless beeping on Christmas Day would drive us to drink… and another mince pie.

Baba Invisible Panties

The underwear we don't want for Christmas

You can see the picture. We don’t really need to explain do we? BabaPanty, the company behind this ingenious wannabe invention, describes the ‘invisible’ panties as sexy, comfortable women’s underwear. ‘Do you like to be more liberated and free, especially in hot weather?’ says its Kickstarter page, where the company was looking for funding to make these beauties a reality. ‘Take away unnecessary cloth from your body, feel freedom and freshness, but be safe and comfortable at the same time!’

BabaPanty was seeking $10,000 in funding for the project and received pledges of just $130, so thankfully we’ve been spared the latest VPL elimination tactic. But really, who has such a problem with their knickers that this would seem a better solution?

The Face Bra

The underwear we don't want for Christmas

You know that saying, ‘sometimes the cure is worse…’ etc? Well, we can’t help thinking that in the case of the Hourei Lift Bra – a plastic strap-on contraption designed to be worn daily to prevent the formation of smile lines – there is some truth in it. Presumably, if you are so concerned with your appearance that the thought of smile lines makes you even consider wearing such a ridiculous thing on your face, well, you just wouldn’t consider it, would you? Anyway, what’s wrong with smile lines? They show you’ve enjoyed life.

 

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